Early Childhood Years

****************************************

Developmental Tips

1. Children are not miniature adults. They must develop slowly. It's God's plan for human development.

2. During the early childhood years children lack the ability to think abstractly. They learn through concrete experiences and take everything literally.

3. They lack historical perspective and have no sense of time. Young children live in the present moment only, and that is how God planned it!

4. Vocabulary skills are severely restricted (3s have 750 words, 4s have 1500, 5s have 5000). Do they understand the words you use?

5. Attention spans are very short (about one minute per year of age).

6. Following directions is difficult for young children learning to sequence. Give one step at a time.

7. Eager to please adults, young children value time with parents above all. Time = love. Use the formative early years together wisely, they are gone far too quickly.

***************************************************************************************************

Good Social Skills Improve Behavior

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

"Children with well-developed problem-solving skills are less likely to resort to aggression to solve their social conflicts." With this premise, Early Violence Prevention, published by the National Association for the Education of Young Children goes on to explorethe how-to of improving young children's social skills.

Much aggressive behavior results from the frustration of not knowing how to handle conflict situations when the needs of the two parties involved are in opposition. The learning of these skills in the early years is essential to healthy development.

Imagine how much more peaceful family life could be if those skills were nurtured in homes. Imagine how much improved homes, workplaces, and the world would be if adults learned, practiced, and modeled such skills. Of such is the kingdom of God!

Research has found that children with strong social skills behave more positively with others, are more friendly and helpful, have fewer conflicts and aggressive behavior. Exhibiting such skills seems to also prevent these children from becoming victims of aggression or social rejection.

Unfortunately children with poor social skills react to conflict with aggression. Children with good social skills reject this kind of acting out. Thus the rejected child has less opportunity to learn the much needed skills from appropriate role models.

Several skills were cited in the book as key to developing positive problem-solving strategies. Keep in mind that skills must be viewed as developmentally appropriate. However, children learn more from observing than listening to lectures, so implement these skills in your daily living. Model the behaviors you wish imitated.

Keep calm! Tell yourself "STOP," take a few deep breaths, count to ten (on your fingers if you are young), and try to not lose your cool! Then, listen attentively to what the other person is saying, find out what their need is. Once you understand the problem and circumstances, try to come up with several solutions. Evaluate the options and come to a compromise.

Many preschools are teaching problem-solving skills through the use of stories,skits, puppets, and role-playing before the children are actively engaged in a conflict. Results are astonishingly effective. Understanding that God has gifted everyone with strong feelings, while learning ways to control actions, helps children anticipate and prepare for situations that will arise.

Finally, when children come up with possible solutions to a problem, they need to look realistically at the consequences. Violent solutions are harmful. Too often in our society violence is portrayed as an acceptable solution, and the harmful effects of such actions are minimized or not even depicted (funerals, mourning families, fatherless children). Violence is depicted as heroic, manly, and even humorous. Use the popular approach - WWJD - "What Would Jesus Do?" in talking to children.

Families at home can use similar teaching techniques by playing "What if..." games with children. Let them come up with solutions, then discuss consequences. Use themes from television shows viewed together, finding alternative ways of handling problems. Helping children learn positive social skills is one key to a successful future, and it builds a more peaceful Kingdom of love.

**************************************************************************************************************

Sharing: A Difficult Lesson for All to Learn

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

A major cause of children's conflicts results from possession of objects, especially toys. One child has what another child wants. When social skills are slowly being acquired, and patience is not yet a very strong virtue, physical force is often used to force "sharing."

One particularly memorable concept regarding teaching children to share which was discussed in Early Violence Prevention, published by the National Association for the Education of Young Children, draws awareness to the double standard adults have on the subject.

While trivializing children's rights to sole possession of goods, adults most often are intensely serious about their right to have sole possession of their things. How often do we parents go into a tirade because children have used something of ours? Yet we are constantly expecting children to share their very precious belongings.

Sharing is a bigger issue than "being nice" or "not being nice." Sharing and working cooperatively are skills that can help bring peace and prosperity to the whole world. Ultimately, sharing takes on the aspect of social justice, but children only slowly evolve into such a concept through developmental stages and with careful nurturing.

At the age of three, children are very egocentric, concerned primarily with their needs and feelings. Pleasing adults and gaining approval influences behavior. As they approach four and five years of age, they become more aware of the power of other children and start to be concerned with self-protection. At this age they can learn to be either the aggressor or the victim.

By age six, children become concerned with equality. They want everything to be exactly equal, with no perception of merit. Around seven years of age children begin to realize that people may be more or less deserving than others. Not until eight years or older do children form concepts of "moral relativity" when recognition occurs that others have their own valid points of view. As this ability begins to develop, more complicated skills of negotiation and compromise can be taught.

So, what can adults do in the early years to lay a foundation for future altruism? First, de-empasize possessions. In our very materialistic and consumer oriented society this can be difficult. Often we are judged by "what we have" not by "who we are." I have always hated the bumper sticker which says "He who dies with the most toys wins!" I much prefer the one I saw recently which stated, "He who dies with the most toys - still dies!" Children will catch the values which they see the significant adults in their lives living out in their actions.

Voluntary and cooperative sharing should be encouraged - not sharing that is forced upon children by adult power. A child's right to choose not to share should be respected. Often in respecting and validating that right, the child decides to voluntarily share. Acknowledging voluntary sharing and turn taking gives young children affirmation and encouragement to repeat the desired behavior. Commenting on how nicely children play together , share, or work as a team goes further than lectures.

**************************************************************************************************************************

Development Is Like A Blooming Rose

What a comforting thought to know that Jesus shared our human nature. What a magnificent source of meditation material to reflect on Mary and Joseph as the parents of a bright and active toddler. Who do you think walked the floor with a teething Jesus? Do you imagine Jesus cleaned his plate at every meal and loved any food Mary fixed? Consolation and inspiration may be gained in trying times by knowing that parenting dilemmas are universal. You are not alone, and, best of all, God understands your problems from personal experience!

In today's busy and pressured society, people tend to want things instantly. Parents sometimes lose sight of the fact that children are born totally helpless and must learn every skill needed for survival. This learning takes time, lots of time, and a great deal of patience on the part of parents. Expecting too much too soon can be harmful to children since their performance cannot match expectations, causing their self-esteem to suffer.

Think of human development as a rose blooming. The infant is the totally closed bud with all the potential beauty hidden inside. If you were to tear the bud open, you would destroy that potential. Slow down. Knowing what is appropriate at each stage of development allows parents to enjoy each stage as it unfolds. If taking an adult education course in child development is out of the question, keep a reliable book handy and refer to it often. This is essential. [see Parent Resources]

Just as there is much to understand about human development on the physical and intellectual levels, so must adults be acutely aware of children's spiritual development. Although experiences during the first seven years of a child's life are crucial for later development, the significant religious experiences of this period are not the same as adult religious experiences. Early foundational religious experiences set the tone for future spiritual development. They need to be rooted in the child's concrete experiences using their God-given senses.

Developing an appreciation of themselves as unique and special creations of a loving God is naturally acceptable because young children think they are the center of the universe. Hopefully, if the foundations were well built, as they mature, they will continue to know they are unique and hold a special place in God's plan.

******************************************************************

Leading Preschoolers to God

Sand on the floor, chocolate pudding,finger painting,

dirt and seeds spilled up and down the halls!

WHAT ARE WE TEACHING THEM -

these preschoolers who come every week?

In a sense we are not TEACHING, but rather helping

these children find God in the experiences of their daily lives.

We are leading the children to the ESSENCE of the truths

of our FAITH by PLAYING with them,

GUIDING them in their discovery that God gave them

the sand in the sandbox, the air that fills their balloons,

the water they love to splash.

The fuzzy caterpillar in their hand

is one of God's many gifts to them.

We tell them to LIVE and have FUN.

God gave them their bodies.

God gives them their lives as children.

God wants them to be HAPPY in all situations of life,

whether dancing and singing

or sometimes sitting quietly.

Can the children say the "Our Father"?

We do not teach it,

but at the dinner table, their turn to say grace

may include prayers like,

"THANK YOU, GOD, FOR MASHED POTATOES!"

"GOD, I LOVE YOU!"

We are playing with them, but celebrating with them, too,

in joy and wonder at the many gifts from GOD.

************************************************************************************

God Is Like the Air We Breathe!

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

From the moment of birth, when we draw our first breath, air becomes one of the most important elements of life. It is all around us, all the time, yet it is often taken for granted. We don't consciously think about how much we need it every time we breathe in and out. Only when breathing becomes difficult do we take notice.

Sometimes it is like that with God. We are gifted with life by God. We are sustained in being by God. Everything we have comes from God. Yet in the rush of everyday life, we fail to take time to realize the importance of God in our lives.

Religious symbolism abounds with references to air, wind, and breath of life. How much richer our appreciation of such references is when we fully comprehend the reality. Like the air around us, we can't see God. We can only feel God's Presence in our life, like a gentle breeze or gusty wind. Without air we cease to live. Without God?

Young children must learn a lot about life as they grow. Unless the importance of all God's creation is pointed out to them, they will not develop the appreciation and respect God's creation deserves. Air is just one item in a long list of gifts that children enjoy exploring.

Did you know that you have warm and cool air inside you? Try this experiment breathing on your hand - with your mouth wide open, puff (warm), then with your lips pursed, blow (cool). To young children it is a miracle! "Thank you God for the air inside me!"

Flying kites is a fascinating pastime. Everyone from young children to grandparents enjoy the excitement of launching a kite and watching it climb higher and higher into the sky, another "little miracle." What a perfect time to say, "Thank you God for the wind that lifts my kite."

Spend some time watching air in action. It can be a cooling breeze on a hot day, a gusty, cold wind that blows leaves and papers around, or a full force gale that knocks down trees. Wind can be helpful in many ways; it propels boats on the water, enables planes to fly, turns windmills that generate electricity and pump water.

Think of the many things that require the action of air. Balloons would not be much fun if they were not inflated by air. Bubbles are just liquid in a bottle until someone blows them into the air. How many musical instruments could not make a sound if air was not blown into them?

As you explore these common activities with young children, just remember to add the God-talk that is so important. Simply thanking God for air reminds children that it is a gift from God. Taking care of that gift is important, too. Explain to even young children why it is important to not pollute the air all people must breathe. Show good example by being ecology-minded. Recycling is an important way to help take care of the world God gave us.

Time spent with your children is the most important time you can spend. How can the pace of life be slowed down so that there is time and energy left to spend with the children? There is no easy solution. Priorities need to be examined. Less important activities can be dropped. Game nights together with no TV are fun.

Demonstrating God's Love

1. Parents contribute most significantly to a child's image of God. Loving, forgiving, compassionate parents demonstrate a loving, forgiving, compassionate God.

2. Let children know how special God created them. They are a unique and unrepeatable image of God. God has a special plan for them to discover.

3. Develop a sense of wonder and awe in children over the tremendous gifts God gives us every day. Take time to say thank you to God out loud for the sun, flowers, people, pets, etc.

4. Prayer is speaking to God. Help youngsters learn to use their own words to tell God what is on their minds.

5. Jesus is OUR friend, but preschoolers only relate to friends they can see, talk to, and play with. Don't expect them to understand the person of Jesus at this early age. They will learn! Appreciate the people in their lives.

6. Old Testament stories may portray a vengeful God to young children. They are unable to relate to history. Think about what the stories say to young children.

***************************************************************************************************

ESSAYS ON FAITH/DEVELOPMENT OF

YOUNG CHILDREN

Part I - Who I Am - Child Development

Part II - How I Learn - Ways to Enhance Learning

Part III - Family Relationships - Role Models

Part IV - Explore the World - Concrete Learning

**************************************************************************************

OVERVIEW OF

Child Development: Preschool Years

Three Year Olds

Physical: large muscle skills

eager to help

need to move frequently

Social-Emotional: self-centered

learns through play

needs to succeed in tasks

asserting independence

Intellectual: limited vocabulary

limited attention span

likes repetition

can follow one-step directions

Religious: learning to love self

must establish trust in God through trust in care givers

adults are "God with skin on"

enjoys spontaneous prayer

Four Year Olds

Physical: muscles cry for activity

fine motor skills starting - manipulatives

needs to change activities and move often

Social-Emotional: testing their world

like to make choices

enjoy friends

sense of humor developing

Intellectual: strong desire to learn

imaginative

vocabulary expanding

trouble distinguishing fantasy/reality

Religious: understands God's love through human love

understands praying as talking to God

closely observes adult attitudes toward religion

can be religiously damaged by using God as an instrument of correction

Five Year Olds

Physical:

better motor control

enjoys blocks, puzzles, creative art

fine motor skills improved - scissors used

longer attention span

Social-Emotional:

needs affirmation and attention

can succeed in small group play

is developing social conscience

may be damaged by comparing with others

Intellectual:

curious and eager to learn

likes to listen to stories

starting to explore symbols

enjoys sharing ideas and telling tales

Religious:

needs to see self as person of worth

know God made them and loves them

capable of knowing that God desires their love in return and cares about their everyday experiences

understands that God wants them to love others

needs to associate God with joyful occasions and times of celebration

very conscious of adult feelings as you talk about God

show verbally and non-verbally that the most effective examples of God's love are loving, caring, concerned adults

beginning to be able to make up own prayers

come to realize that Sunday school is their "church family" and they are missed when they are not there on Sunday

***************************************************************************************************

BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS

24 Hours In A Day Are Not Enough!

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

Have the Christmas "crazies" struck you down? Do you seem to be on a treadmill stuck at top speed? Do you long for a secluded cabin in the woods? Take heart, you will undoubtedly survive! Be aware, however, that your children are probably suffering from seasonal stress, also. The combination can be dangerous!

Is there a way to salvage your sanity and family relationships? Slow down - sit down - calm down! Ask yourself if this is how Jesus would want His birth remembered. Make a list of what preparations still need to be accomplished, then prioritize.

You may find that everything on your list does not have to be accomplished by Christmas Day. Maybe some things can be totally eliminated. Some items may be delegated to others. Ask for help. One thing I have learned is that people are not mind readers, especially most men. Men have a different perspective on holidays, often helping frazzled women sift through tedious tasks, coming up with creative solutions.

Is the tree up yet? Take it slow and enjoy the process. Bring it in and enjoy the beauty of it undecorated. Add the lights one day and enjoy just that accomplishment. Celebrate the beauty of light. Christ is coming as the "Light of the World." Now come the ornaments. Do they ALL have to be put on? Select the special ones - tell their stories - share family traditions and history.

On the night the tree is complete, have a picnic supper by the tree. Play Christmas music or watch a Christmas special. Make a pot of soup ahead of time with the help of the children. Bake some gingerbread. Pop some popcorn. Heat up some apple cider with cinnamon sticks and cloves. Enjoy the sight, smell, touch, sounds, and tastes of Christmas.

IMPORTANT - children will treasure memories created by spending time with them far longer than they will treasure THAT certain toy which cost hours of searching. I admit to being caught up in the "Cabbage Patch Craze" several years ago. They were nearly impossible to find, and this had to be a special one, a red-head! I nearly went crazy! When I mention THAT doll to my daughter now, she barely remembers!

What she does remember is: trips to Disneyland or Knott's during Christmas to see all the holiday decorations; day outings to the snow; nighttime drives looking at Christmas lights; the boat parade at the Harbor; walking leisurely around a fancy mall and eating out.

Make some time to make some memories this holiday season. Do things with family and friends. Taking pictures is essential for the remembering. Pictures jog our memories and flood us with remembrances. Get out family albums, slides, movies, or videos and relive the fun of the past this holiday season.

Around our home memories will be tinged with sadness for the two faces missing from our holiday table this year. When we look at pictures though, we will remember the good times that we shared with those loved ones who have preceded us into God's loving embrace. Do appreciate each member of your family and all your friends. Let them know how much you love them. Death can come unexpectedly. Heal relationships. Celebrate Christmas as Jesus wishes - Love One Another!

BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS

"Let's Go Visit Baby Jesus and the Donkey!"

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

Working with young children provides the most challenging, yet inspiring moments of a lifetime. Their very concrete thinking, coupled with an absence of historical perspective, further enhanced by a total lack of time sense, create some of the most remarkable observations. Save your breath if you are trying to explain that Jesus was born long, long ago in a far distant land. That could be last week in San Diego for all they know or care! Just realize you are building a foundation of traditions that will one day make sense to them. The stories you tell will become familiar. When they are old enough to distinguish between fantasy and reality, they will know Jesus as a real person.

Try to keep stories for young children simple and uncomplicated. The younger the child, the fewer the characters. Four year olds can become quite excited about angels, shepherds, and sheep. If possible, provide them with a creche, nativity set, which they are allowed to handle and rearrange. Concepts are more understandable if there is something concrete to which they can relate. Let them add their own toys to the scene. By five years of age, children are starting to grasp the concept of the world as home to many different peoples. The coming of the Magi to visit the Christ Child might hold more significance if young children are reminded of relatives who came from far away to visit when they were born. Still concrete thinkers, they understand best from experiences in their life.

When I asked my daughter what Christmas memories she would like to share with other children, she mentioned setting up the creche. We put out a piece of brown cloth and the stable at the start of Advent, then gradually add items to the scene, evergreen branches, holly, pine cones, whatever we find on our walks. According to how many figures the nativity set has, count backwards, then add one piece each evening, saving the Christ Child to be added on Christmas morning. Children find this tradition even more exciting if you hide the piece each evening and play a game of "Hot and Cold" until they find the piece.

Another suggestion which Kristy says helped mark the passage of time when she was young was making a paper chain with one link for every day until Christmas. Each evening at dinner, tear off one loop. If you are ambitious, write a discussion question on each loop to encourage the sharing of thoughts during mealtime. A family game called The Ungame, available in most game stores, provides a multitude of ideas for such discussion starters, or make up your own: share a favorite family vacation; if you could be a color, what color would you be and why; what do you most like to smell (taste, hear, see, or touch); if you won the lottery, what would you buy each person in the family. Advent calendars work in the same way, giving young children some tangible method of marking time.

Be patient with young children, the excitment of the holidays often overwhelms.

**********************************************************************************************************************************

HOME