Parenting Handouts

When and how do young children learn? Every waking moment, even during dreams while sleeping, young children are constantly learning and sorting out the deluge of information to which they are exposed. Through use of each of their God-given senses children experience the world in a concrete way and learn.

Early questions as primitive as "wha's 'at" provide a tool for communicating their curiosity about God's world. As language develops, so does the sophistication of their questions, especially the infamous "WHY?" Try putting yourself in a young child's position - everything they see is new and exciting. They NEED to EXPERIENCE it!

Psychologist Burton White's studies indicate that the period between ten and eighteen months is crucial to the development of intellectual curiosity. Whether a child's exploration of the environment is encouraged or suppressed has long lasting effects. Freedom to explore, within safe limits is essential. Crawling, climbing, emptying drawers and cupboards, stacking, knocking down, dropping, picking up, are all part of the learning process.

How can parents, grandparents, and other caring adults nurture this learning process? Stimulating young children's inborn curiosity and investigative nature is most beneficial. Inspiring children to ask questions about God's world provides opportunities for deeper exploration of various subjects.

Educators know that the most significant learning occurs when children are researching answers to questions THEY have asked, not simply memorizing facts given to them by a "teaching authority." Gifted teachers have a knack of inspiring learners to want to learn.

Nature provides innumerable opportunities to ask questions and speculate on answers. Let children know it is acceptable to wonder about the origin of things and make up stories. Some of our favorite family tales are from folklore. Where did fire come from? Why do roses have thorns? Where do birds go when it rains? Why does a giraffe have spots? How do flowers know when to bloom?

Young children do not need detailed, scientific explanations. For them, thinking up the questions, developing a sense of wonder, and promoting creative imagination are significant enough achievements. As the children get older, hopefully that intellectual curiosity will spur them on to research answers for themselves. Teachable moments occur throughout the day, adults just need to develop the ability to spot the moment and then act on it. Often this requires "slowing down" and also "getting down" (Jesus did ask us to become as little children.) As "big people" we miss out on much of the wonder of God's magnificent world. We move too fast and we are too high up from the earth!

Putting a God message into your observations lets children know that God is an important part of your life. You believe in a loving, caring God who is with us at all times. The more you practice "God-talk" the easier it becomes and, amazingly, it will start to impact YOUR spiritual life as you truly become more childlike in your relationship with a loving God!

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BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS #15

Instilling Religious Attitudes During the Early Years

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

In my continual quest for knowledge on the subject of faith formation in young children, I discovered a fascinating book, The Religious Education of Preschool Children by Lucie W. Barber (ISBN: 0-89135-026-8). It stresses the urgent need to educate parents in their essential role as the primary "formers" of religious attitudes and discusses in depth a developmentally appropriate approach to faith.

Using her background as a research psychologist, Dr. Barber turned her attention to the religious attitude formation of young children in her work. Her findings shed light on better ways for parents and educators to develop "religious attitudes" during the first six years of children's lives. Foundational "religious attitudes" of faith, hope, and love she believes must be established before children enter school.

"Cognitive development has not proceeded to the point where religious content can be handled." What this means is that although preschoolers can learn Bible stories, memorize verses and prayers, and be conditioned to certain behaviors, there is no real intellectual understanding. What they can do is develop basic attitudes in the early years which will serve as foundations for later, more mature attitudes.

Several teaching tools are discussed which parents and educators should utilize daily in helping young children grow to the full potential with which God has gifted them. Briefly, these include:

1. reinforce desired behaviors with time and attention, ignore undesired behaviors

2. recognize and appreciate the uniqueness of each individual child

3. observe and evaluate effectiveness of techniques; if ineffective, change strategy

4. familiarize yourself with developmental levels of young children, hold realistic expectations

5. in attempting to educate young children, proceed only one small step at a time, do not expect too much

6. set specific goals for behavior which can be reinforced when the behavior occurs

7. find the particular stimulus which works to produce the desired behavior, remembering the uniqueness of each child

8. have as your goal the building up of the child's strengths, not the correction of weaknesses; strong self-esteem is essential

How do good teaching/parenting techniques relate to formation of religious attitudes? It is through the day to day contact with significant adults in their lives that children develop attitudes about the world in which they find themselves. To young children, parents ARE God. Parents and teachers become "God with skin on" to young children.

What a responsibility! How children are treated by the people in their daily lives, will teach them how that mysterious, unseen person - God - will treat them. Punishing, unforgiving adults model a punishing, unforgiving God. Likewise, caring, loving, forgiving adults model a God of love and forgiveness. Think about your childhood and the God you grew up with! Are you still relearning about God's unconditional love for YOU!

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BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS #16

Talking With Children About God

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

A major thrust of early childhood faith formation is getting people comfortable about "God-talk." I still remember back to 1980 when I first attended a faith formation workshop on preschoolers. We were told to talk with the children about the wonders and goodness of God. I thought I would never be able to do it, but with practice it became easier - and then natural - and pretty soon my friends thought I had been "born again."

Growing up Catholic, I learned to memorize many prayers. When invited to say grace at the home of my Baptist aunt, all I could do was recite "Bless Us, O Lord." She would speak the most beautiful prayers from her heart which always included each of us by name, special intentions and blessings. I envied her gift. I am slowly beginning to get better at "spontaneous prayer."

When children are young teaching them to pray from their heart is so easy. Memorizing words that are not in their natural vocabulary, or signs that hold no significance to them is an exercise in futility. Listen sometime for phrases like: "Hail Mary, full of GRAPES," "blessed is the FRUIT OF THE LOOM," "Our Father, WHO'S ART IS in heaven," "and PIECES OF people on earth." They fill in what doesn't make sense with something that does!

Teaching spontaneous prayers of praise and thanksgiving are not only easier, they are more appropriate and build a stronger foundation for future spiritual growth. Prayer of petition are dangerous with young children because of their concrete thinking process. If they are told to pray hard for something and "God will hear their prayer," they expect God to answer and their request to be granted! As adults we know it does not work that way. God's answer is not always the one we want to hear.

If young children are praying very hard for someone who is ill and the person dies, it is easy for them to be angry with God and their faith to be undermined. Asking God to be with people who are ill is safer than praying for cures that might not come. Discourage the asking for material things like a bicycle, or to get a good grade. A sign in my office says "Pray as if it's all up to God, then work as if it's all up to you!"

Use comments to help stimulate children to pray. Show example by your behavior and speech that God is important in your life. Children learn more from example than from lecture. Don't save God for Sunday mornings only, or utter God's name only when exasperated!

Here are a few sample thoughts to get you started:

"Look at that beautiful ___________(flower, sunset, etc.). Isn't God fantastic to give us such wonderful gifts?"

"Doesn't this ________(apple, cookie, cold water, etc.) taste good? Thank you, God, for mouths with which to taste things!"

"See all the different colors of flowers! How do you think God thought up so many colors? Thank you, God for our eyes to see Your beautiful world."

"God, I am feeling angry with my friends. Help me to love them even when they make me angry. Help us to talk about our feelings and be friends again."

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BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS #17

Image of God Formed in Early Childhood

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

A billboard on a church read: "It is easier to build a child than it is to repair an adult." Wouldn't everyone have liked to know the unconditional love of their parents, and their God. Years of relearning, and millions of dollars in therapy, have been put forth to help people rediscover the God that loves them and wants the best for them. The home environment is the single most influential factor in a child's religious development. The concept of God which a child develops relates directly to the way the child is treated at home during the early years.

If the atmosphere is one of loving, understanding, and forgiveness, that is how the child will see God. Distorted notions of God can be developed in homes which are either extremely judgmental and punitive, or overly indulgent and undisciplined.

God should never be used as a source of punishment and fear. God will not punish childish behavior. Threats to that effect destroy the loving relationship that must be established between the child and God. God is not waiting to catch us!

Good behavior does not make God "happy," nor does misbehavior make God "sad." Children's behavior can have those effects on parents, but leave God out of the parental power struggles and behavior control.

Children need to be taught decision making skills and acceptance of consequences, especially in the early years. This encourages a sense of responsibility. Responsibility comes with love. Love comes with responsibility.

Unconditional love does not mean freedom to do whatever you want and expect to be loved and accepted. Unconditional love means you are loved for who you are, not what you do - good or bad. It has been said, you must love the sinner, and hate the sin. God loves us unconditionally. Loving each other that way is difficult, but essential.

When children are allowed to make decisions, they feel more in control of their lives. They have better self-esteem. The correlate is that they must learn to live with the consequences of their choice. Parents cannot bail them out if their choice turns out to be a mistake.

Even in little things children can start learning about decisions and consequences. In choosing between two treats, one is rejected. If they change their minds after a few minutes, remind them it was their choice. Next time they can choose differently.

Giving into tantrums reinforces undesirable behavior and does not teach responsible decision making. Inconsistency is even worse than being lax. If you say no for a while, then say yes, children believe they can get you to change your mind next time too, if they keep nagging long enough! They learn that you don't always mean "no" when you say "no"!

Learning about love and responsibility, freedom and limitations, is part of spiritual development. Children learn of God's love from the world in which they live. They need to be taught to be responsible for taking care of the world in appreciation of God's creative love. Responsibility for taking care of ourselves can be dealt with in the same way. The decisions we make affect our lives. God wants what is best for us!

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BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS #18

God Created Us Alike Yet Unique

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

"Where did you get those beautiful, big brown eyes?" The four year old unhesitatingly told the woman who asked, "God gave them to me!" Stories like this, related by parents, make involvement in early childhood faith formation worth the time and effort.

Young children are eager to learn, anxious to please, and open to guidance from adults. The early years are crucial for developing self-esteem. One of the most important aspects of self-esteem is loving yourself. To help children achieve strong self-image, continually let them know how very special God created them.

There is nobody in the world exactly like YOU. Nobody else talks exactly like you, or walks exactly like you, or thinks exactly like you. You are a very special creation. God has something very special for you to do; something nobody else in the world can do. What is it? The mystery and excitement of life is discovering the answer to THAT question!

Spend time comparing ways in which people look unique. Examine hair color, eye color, height, weight, the shape of eyes, mouth, ears, nose. The only people who look exactly alike are identical twins. Who do you look like? Are there family resemblances? Look at baby pictures, see the changes. Point this out to children.

Aging is a natural process. God planned it that way. In our "youth culture" appreciation of the wisdom garnered with age is often lacking. Help children when they are young learn to appreciate and respect older adults. Gray hair should be a badge of honor. Wrinkles are battle scars of life. Let's stop worshiping "youth"!

After appreciating individual uniqueness, examine ways in which people are the same. Most people have hair, eyes, nose, mouth, ears, arms, legs. We all eat, sleep, laugh, cry, love, etc. We are born into a family to take care of us because human infants are so helpless. We grow and develop. We crawl, then walk, then run and jump and climb!

Children in all cultures have strong similarities. In the impressionable early years encourage them to see the similarities among all human beings. Acceptance of differences is easier when you firmly believe that the similarities are MORE important.

A cultural anthropologist suggested a wonderful activity for children. (She cautioned that the suggestion would probably horrify many people who hold National Geographic sacred.) Her idea was to let preschoolers rip up the magazines, finding pictures showing people in other places doing the same things the preschoolers and their families do. Making a collage of pictures of parallel activities and relationships heightens awareness of how much humanity is alike.

God created a magnificent world for all of us to share. We are all linked together as God's family. Although each one of us is special and unique, we should love and care for one another. Taking care of our world and sharing what we have with others are lessons children need to grow up understanding. Children learn best from example. Who do they look to for examples to follow? You are right - US!

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BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS #19

Children Have Feelings, Too!

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

Emotions are another wonderful gift from God. Feelings make us human. Without this God-given ability to react, we would be only numb shells of beings existing in the world, but not truly living. Children have emotions, too, and they need help in understanding and handling the variety of feelings God bestowes on all of us.

Nothing is more detrimental to youngsters' healthy emotional development than telling them not "to feel" a certain way. We feel what we feel! God made us that way. Feelings are good. How we act on these emotions makes the difference. It is self-control that children must learn. That is a tough lesson and one that takes many years of practice.

Anger is an emotion that we are taught from an early age to repress, not express! This inability to express anger can lead to mental health problems in adulthood. Looking at acceptable ways of expressing anger is much more beneficial. If anger can be expressed verbally, a person is less likely to resort to physical actions.

"Big boys don't cry!" is a refrain heard too often still. What are boys suppose to do with emotions that evoke tears? Stifle it? More repression? Might this lead eventually to difficulty in expressing tenderness and concern for others?

Spend time talking with children about how they are feeling. Help them develop the vocabulary necessary to discuss happy, silly, sad, lonely, angry, jealous, loved, unloved, scared, and on and on. Help children learn to name their feelings. Explore with them the wide variety of reactions that God has given them. If children are able to explain what they are feeling, it is easier to help them discover why they may be feeling that way. Communication skills are the key.

Allow children to experience and express emotions that aren't always happy. They are forced into school situations where they must interact, socialize, share, and take turns when they might not "feel" like it. These are legitimate stresses in children's lives. Validate the feelings by acknowledging and accepting the child.

Play games with emotions - make faces at each other and guess what feeling you are trying to show. Sing songs about emotions - "If You're Happy And You Know It - Clap Your Hands" (can become if sad say boo-hoo, if angry give a growl). Use your imagination, it will help children develop theirs!

Reassure children that God made them to have all these feelings. It is part of God's plan for us. Never make fun of how they feel, you've probably forgotten what it was like to be four years old!

NOTE TO PARENTS: Turn on the radio, anytime day or night, every song is about emotions. People sing about them so easily. Why do we have so much difficulty talking about them? Couples need to practice expressing their feelings to one another - the "bad" as well as the "good." Most persons are not mind readers, but they try to guess what the other person is thinking. Chances are you will guess wrong! Discussing openly how you feel is much more accurate. Nip problems early. It is easier to teach a skill to your child if you are proficient in it.

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BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS #20

Love - A Touching Experience

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

Close yours eyes and create an image in your mind of two people very much in love. Are they touching each other? Undoubtedly they are because when people are in love there is a God-given, natural, human tendency to want to be close - to be touching. As parents of teenagers, we worry about this drive toward intimacy. Will they be able to control their biologic urges? Have we taught them the beauty of God's gift of human sexuality? Do we provide a lovingly affectionate family environment? Adults and teenagers are not the only people who crave physical touch. Studies indicate that abandoned babies raised in institutions where physical needs are met, but loving human contact is missing, fail to thrive and often die. Babies are easy to cuddle and stroke. As temperamental toddlerhood begins, finding an opportunity to cuddle becomes more challenging. Be sure to take the opportunities as they arise. Wakening, bedtime, and naptime can provide available openings. As children get older, schedules become more hectic, but make time for touching.

Bedtime back rubs were my ticket to quality time together. Five minutes of your undivided attention is important to children. Time together tells them they are loved and important to you. A digital clock by the bed measures the time; it is not arbitrary; bonus minutes given for good behavior; no interruptions for phone calls or other family members' needs. As children get older, they catch on to the fact that if they keep you talking you may stay longer. Sometimes these discussions are important and revealing. What a wonderful opportunity to plan tomorow or evaluate today. You can even work in some spontaneous praying - "Thank you God for ________."

Fathers need to get involved in physical affection also. Over the last twenty years, men's roles have changed dramatically. Child care is no longer thought of as the woman's responsibility. Dads have learned to pitch in to diaper, feed, and bathe the kids, sometimes even better than moms. (Why is it that children seem to cooperate better with dads?) Although I generally hate billboards, one depicting a father tenderly holding and caressing his infant is a favorite of mine. Tenderness and caring are part of our human nature. God made us that way. For too long society looked on such characteristics as feminine. Look what has become of our society! God's plan for the creation of a human life is for a male and female to create that new life and nurture it together. Both parents have integral roles to play in the healthy development of the child they co-create with God.

Fathers sometimes become uncomfortable hugging their adolescent daughters, but girls need that physical affection at this stage of their life, more than ever. Lacking fulfillment of this need can lead to sexual promiscuity in a search for physical affection.

My husband has always been openly warm and physically affectionate with our children. When relatives spent time with us one year, the wife wrote in a thank you that watching him with the children inspired her husband to make the effort to start hugging his children more. He grew up thinking that hugging was "sissy." His dad never hugged him. She told me later that it made a world of difference in their family dynamics. Remember, you are modeling God's love in your daily actions!

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BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS #21

Helping Young Children Learn to Value Life

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

While celebrating liturgy on Right to Life Sunday, the homily touched me deeply. As I listened, I kept thinking that what we really need to do is end the NEED for abortions! Why do so many women feel this is the ONLY solution? Why are so many of our teenagers finding themselves with an "unwanted pregnancy"!

Fighting an urge to stand up and tell the congregation one aspect of fighting abortion was not discussed - the need for each family to provide value-based sexuality education for their children starting in the earliest years, I decided to write about the subject!

We are allowing media to be the sex-educators of our children, and we are paying the price! Values presented in the majority of television shows, movies, and music are diametrically opposed to the values we should be promoting as Catholics. Families need to be as vocal, and convincing, as the media.

Many parents feel that they do not need to broach this subject until adolescence. They are wrong! You are "sexed" from the moment of conception - XX or XY. How you are treated during the first two years of life sets a pattern of gender identification that will be the foundation for future relationships.

Touch is of utmost importance to babies. Holding, hugging, and caressing give infants a sense of acceptance and self-worth. As infants start to explore their bodies, much damage can be done by slapping their hands for touching their penis or clitoris. This is a natural way of learning about the body God gave them. There is nothing "sexual" about this activity. Calling genitalia "dirty" or "bad" hinders sexualization and may contribute to later sexual dysfunction.

When language starts to develop, parents are eager to teach toddlers the names of parts of their bodies, but how uncomfortable they become when the child asks about genitalia. Much embarrassment can be avoided by simply stating the facts. What is wrong with saying penis, scrotum, breast, vulva? They are parts of God's creation, just the same as eyes and ears. Using correct terminology from the start shows respect for our bodies. "Street names" and euphemisms are often confusing.

By the time they are three years old, children should have a clear understanding that they are either male or female. Both sexes should master the concept that all males have a penis for urinating (and later passing sperm from the body). Both should know that females never have a penis. Females have a urethra for urinating; their uterus and vagina, which are on the inside, will one day enable them to be mothers. Girls did not "lose" their penis by being "bad." Girls are not "less" because of the difference. We are created in God's image - male and female. Each has a special place in God's plan.

Regarding sexuality education, the best advice is be honest and keep it simple. Respond to a question with "What do you think?" This gives an insight into what they are asking. Keep in mind the young child that asked where he came from; after mom completed the lengthy and long-dreaded talk, he replied that his friend came from Chicago! Don't give them too much, too early! Buy yourself a reliable resource book.

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BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS #22

Friendship Is Key to Sense of Acceptance

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

Often the preschool years bring the opportunity to enter the social realm of a school setting. Experiences carry children beyond the limits of family. The early sense of trust that was established will now be called into play as children face the challenge of being accepted by others.

Friendships are a key to feeling accepted and should be encouraged. Similarities in developmental levels, temperament, and behavior styles enhance chances of positive play experiences. Opportunities to play at one another's homes aid the development of friendships. Small play groups provide a good setting.

Children's friendships are a normal up and down experience. Parents would do best to ease the stress of broken friendships with sympathy, while not becoming personally involved. Encourage the making of new friends. Let children work out their own social problems. Without adult interference, children manage to learn from these.

Studies indicate that overprotected children become very vulnerable. On the other hand, children who continually experience peer rejection are at higher risk for problems later. A delicate balance provides for optimum development.

Adults can play a key role in intervening in situations where they see a child being continually rejected. Offering such a child additional attention and affection helps compensate. Discovering and developing special talents increases their feeling of competency. Giving these children leadership roles or tasks improves their sense of being of value. Encourage opportunities for them to find and develop friendships.

As preschoolers develop a sense of who they are and how they feel about themselves, it is important that they have a realistic image of self. While not wanting to overwhelm a child with guilt or shame, it is necessary for them to occasionally feel bad about their behavior in order to feel good about themselves at other times.

Guilt is not a bad thing in itself. In fact, it is quite necessary to healthy development of personality. "Guilt arises when children see their unacceptable behavior as a failure of effort and responsibility (forgot)." This is quite distinct from shame which "arises when children see unacceptable behavior as a result of some personal inadequacy that may defeat further efforts toward change (stupid)."

"Self-esteem should derive from truly valued actions and standards; self should be positively identified with the larger social good." As reported in Beyond Self-Esteem, observations of preschool children demonstrate an awareness of right and wrong, plus an ability "to judge that moral transgressions (hitting/stealing) were more serious than conventional transgressions (breaking classroom rules)."

According to other findings, children who have been well nurtured during the preschool years exhibit a desire to please out of love, not fear; feel that they and others are basically good; and, engage in fantasy play that has a rescuing aspect.

These traits have a direct connection to moral development and spiritual growth. Our desire to follow Christian principles should be for love of God, not fear of punishment. We need to love ourselves as good before we can love and care for our neighbors whom we should also see as good, and isn't that what Jesus asks of us.

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BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS #23

Called To Be A Joy-Filled People

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

Often people take "religion" so seriously that they have difficulty meditating on a laughing Jesus. They fail to see Him as joy-filled, gregarious, and party loving - a real "people person." From what we know about human nature, it is happy, loving, "fun" people that attract a following. Great crowds followed Jesus. Would this have been the case if He was always solemn and serious? Don't you think the sight of Zacchaeus in a tree made Him chuckle? Reflect on other stories in Scripture looking for a Divine sense of humor.

God gifts each person with this sense of humor but it sometimes gets stifled early in life. Once suppressed, it is difficult to revive in adulthood. Infants as early as one month of age possess an inborn desire to smile with ecstasy when showered with undivided attention. The laughing and giggling of children must certainly be God's favorite sound of praise.

Families need to nurture in children, and in themselves, the ability to look on the bright side of things. Life is much more enjoyable when lived with a genuine sense of humor. Being able to laugh at oneself is high on the list of components for developing this important God-originated sense. Don't be afraid of looking foolish! Parents must be able to relax and laugh AT themselves when they "goof up" and let their children laugh WITH them. Laughing WITH a person is much different than laughing AT a person. The latter can easily take on the aspect of ridicule.

Children, I keep repeating, are people, too! They have feelings. They are easily hurt by being made the butt of jokes that point out their frailties. Isn't that true for all of us? Much of the humor in media today is at someone else's expense. This is not the healthy, fun-loving sense of humor children need to develop.

"Joie de vivre," as the French say, is a joy in living; seeing the cup half full, not half empty; being an optimist. God can play an important role in living this kind of life if you cultivate a spirit of "letting go and letting God." Many worries we impose upon ourselves - 90% never occur; of the 10% which do occur, 90% we could do nothing to control anyway!

Spontaneity is a wonderful trait to cultivate. Do the unexpected! Let children have fun! Structuring time and activities too tightly takes away much of life's enjoyment. God wants us to enjoy life, not just live life! Many adults have forgotten how to play. Get down and dirty, as we say in early childhood. Let the child within you out! Take the kids to the park - don't just watch - get on that slide, see how high you can pump the swing! Let go and laugh! God is there beside you sharing in the fun!

Make memories with your children. Take "time out" to spend time doing things together that children will remember. We are so gifted in California to have within a day's outing beaches, mountains, desert, rural, and city settings. Occasionally throw the family in the car, grab a loaf of bread, a hunk of cheese, some fruit and go picnic! Winter picnics flying kites are terrific. Nature hikes parks are essential for "city kids"! Even more memorable are days the whole family "plays hooky" and spends an entire weekday together just "playing." Go ahead, you deserve it!

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BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS #24

Literacy Skills Tied to Reading with Young Children

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

"Just one more story..........please!

Parents may be tempted to view such pleas as merely a ploy to stay up later. However, scientific studies indicate that reading with young children enhances skills necessary to master reading and writing. Memories of the time shared reading bedtime stories remain with children as they mature. Sharing time is sharing love.

Sequencing of events, problem solving, vocabulary development, and reading comprehension are only a few of the skills developed through exposure to reading aloud. Appreciation of the written word and development of a desire to read need to be nurtured from the earliest years.

Listening to the sounds of words as they are read is important to the development of language. Recognizing that the spoken word relates to the printed word is the first step in learning to read. Do not push children to attempt reading words when they are too young. Let them enjoy the beauty of spoken language.

Learning the meaning of new words comes naturally as stories are shared. Ask children if they know what a word means. Encourage them to ask questions and discuss terms that are unfamiliar. Stimulate their curiosity to explore topics further.

Imagination is a special God-given gift. Television cannot stimulate imagination in the same way that oral and written stories can. Television's images are concrete. Oral and written stories paint pictures in the mind by using descriptive words. Words take on significance in communicating ideas.

Unfortunately, research indicates that verbal and vocabulary skills among young people are continually declining. Teachers can only accomplish part of the task of educating young people during the school day. Responsibility for creating an atmosphere conducive to learning falls on the home environment. Following are a few suggestions for home activities.

Books need to be available. Give gifts of quality children's books. Libraries provide an ever-changing supply of wonderful books. Librarians will help select age-appropriate books. Trade books with friends. Shop for book bargains at garage sales. Create a reading corner for children. Make a comfortable space available with shelves, pillows, good lighting, and a chair big enough for two, if possible.

Model an interest in reading to children. Children learn by imitation. Spend time yourself reading books. After dinner, no TV, quiet reading time. If children never see the significant adults in their lives reading, how worthwhile will reading seem? Be creative when reading to children. Get dramatic! Change your voice for various characters. Use exaggerated facial expressions to hold children's interest and stimulate imagination. Stop during the story and ask questions: What do you think is going to happen next? How do you think the main character feels?

Use age-appropriate stories. Remember the attention span of your audience! Preschoolers need big books with large pictures and few words. Very young children do well with cloth or board books.

Put a "God-message" in any story you share with children. Take time to say "Thank you, God, for______."

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BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS #25

Including God At Story Time

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

You do not need to buy a lot of "religious" stories to bring a "God-message" into children's literature. Find a "God-message" in any story. All you have to do is find the right place to slip in a phrase or ask a question. Most quality children's stories deal with items children are familiar with or experiences that children might have. The key in interesting children in a story is keeping it short and simple. Pictures should be large and colorful to capture their attention. Words should be understandable, although young children are eager to build vocabulary skills and like learning the meaning of new words, especially BIG words.

Much attention is now being paid to representing all cultures and races in children's literature. Children can learn how a variety of people live and recognize the many ways we are alike and different. Attempts are being made to avoid sexual stereotyping by showing women in a wider variety of roles than just "Mom." These subtle changes can greatly increase children's awareness of other people and influence their psychological development.

Old Testament stories are historical and deal with situations that are not part of a child's life today. Often they portray God in a frightening or vengeful way that is detrimental to the building of strong faith and trust in a loving God. Some "favorite" stories have very frightening images for young children if you really look at them from a young child's point of view.

Relaying stories from the life of Christ may not be frightening, but there is sometimes a tendency to dwell on the miracles Jesus performed. During the period of early childhood, children have difficulty separating reality from fantasy. We would hate to have them relegate Jesus to the category of Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny. Save the stories about Jesus for when they can understand the reality of His historical person and the significance of His message. Go slow with little ones.

Using the resources of excellent children's literature then, we want to bring an awareness to the children of God's presence in our lives. Without having specific stories in mind, there are topics that lend themselves to certain comments or questions. The easiest thing to do is to use "God's" as an adjective in describing whatever is in the story (plants, animals, people). To help you start practicing the art of inserting "God-messages," here are a few key phrases:

"Wasn't it great how______. That is how God wants us to treat each other."

"God gives us all kinds of feelings - happy, sad, angry, scared. Feelings are not good or bad, they are just how we feel. What feelings did the children in the story have?"

"Friends make life more fun. God is good to give us friends. Who are your friends?"

"Hasn't God given us a beautiful world? Where is your favorite place to go?"

"Aren't we lucky that God gives us _____________"

"In God's world every creature has a place and is part of God's plan."

"God wants people to take care of the world and each other. How did the children in the story help take care of God's world?"

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BUILDING FAITH FOUNDATIONS #26

Kids That Play With God, Stay With God

by Marilyn Spaw Krock

Through play young children learn. When talk about God's love is part of the play, God's love will be remembered. Adults often fail to realize the significance of play to young children's learning. Observing young mammals illustrates that survival skills are learned through play. For children, play is how they learn about themselves and the world in which they live.

The world beckons children to explore through play. Play is their WORK. Play needs to be unstructured, with no goal or product in the mind of supervising adults. Children must find play pleasurable and enjoy doing an activity or they will cease participating; it should be strictly spontaneous and voluntary. Learning takes place while children are actively involved in play, using all their senses, at their own pace. Watching television does not qualify as an ACTIVE involvement. Passively viewing a program does not assist children in concretely exploring their world, and thus really learning.

Children must master control of their large and small muscles. The early years are designed by God to be a time of learning to walk, run, skip, hop, jump, climb, and use their bodies. Balance and hand-eye coordination develop and are improved through continual free play. Structured play, such as organized sports, can be detrimental to children in the early years. Being too young to understand rules, they are interested only in having fun, not winning. Playing catch at a park with a caring adult or friends provides the needed opportunity to develop coordination.

Another danger facing young children is the overemphasis on learning to read and write early. Foundations must be laid. Fine motor coordination is required for writing. Young children need to play with art materials in creative ways. They need to draw, paint, scribble, cut, and paste, preparing them for following phases of learning.

While playing with other children, language skills are developed through the need to communicate. Socialization takes place as children discover how to be accepted by others and how to play by social rules.

Play also increases creativity. Solitary play helps children develop a deep inner life and imagination. Children should be encouraged to spend time entertaining themselves. By making up stories, acting stories out with toys and puppets, simply drawing or looking at picture books, imagination is stimulated and establishes a strong foundation for future learning. Once again - shut off the television!

As we play with children, uttering simple God-phrases (for example - exloring the goodness of God's world - expressing joy in using the bodies God gave us - appreciating the blossoming abilities of the children as they grow according to God's plan) allows God to join in their play and become part of their world, where God will remain "happily ever after."

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